Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
