she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
