So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it's like heaven, but drunker
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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