Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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