I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
