Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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