i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
