just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Michael Bay diarrhea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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