help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
