We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
