your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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