He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
