Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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