well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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