Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
