My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
