Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
