New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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