she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
