just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
