Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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