Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
