I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
