i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
