Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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