Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
