wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
