Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
