Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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