I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my liver is dry heaving
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
