i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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