Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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