Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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