We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
