He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
