I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
