just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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