his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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