then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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