He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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