Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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