Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
