he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
