Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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