checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
