I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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