i love accidental penises.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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