I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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