He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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