I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
