You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
