She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
literally had 100 drinks last night.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
