we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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