Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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