sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
