i just snorted my name. best moment ever
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
