I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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