she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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