There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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