He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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