He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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