While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
