Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
