you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would ride that face into the sunset
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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