they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
