I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
tell me about the fingering
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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