She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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