with your own penis?
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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