I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
