happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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