he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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